Being Hurt by Money

Happy Friday Readers! TGIF! I just want to take a moment to go a little in-depth with my last blog. Just a memory and/or experience I wanted to share with you from my teenage years that has impacted my mindset of what money really means to me.

If you can recall me sharing, both my parents had decent paying jobs. Both worked and slaved the 8am to 5pm jobs, the occasional Saturdays and only off on Sundays. I am proud to say I am the daughter to two hard-working parents who made enough to keep a roof over my head and food on the table. Forever grateful.

However and it even pains to me talk about this sometimes, one parent was better with their money than the other. My father, bless his heart and soul, started a college fund for me. I had no clue about it until I was probably 14

Unfortunately, my mother put a lot of her debt unto my father and he had to take college fund to pay it off. Long story short, let’s just say my mother had face a lot of debt collectors, was a compulsive gambler, and eventually had to file bankruptcy. You can best believe my dad was hurt, confused, betrayed, and angry. 

I was… hurt, confused, betrayed, and angry. It was pretty much the start to the end of my parents’ relationship. I know he’ll never admit this but my father was an unconditional lover. He loved my mom for many years despite all the crap she put him through. 

And unfortunately, no one will ever get to hear his side of the story unless you were in my household. I have to say this because I know eventually I’ll get shit for writing this one day but I’ve learned over the years that if you’re not a part of my personal life, your opinion doesn’t matter. 

My father helped out a lot of my mom’s side of the family especially with money. He was like the human credit card. Taken advantage of, I had to watch my father go through it all. 

Thousands and thousands of dollars put my family in pain. I always say this… We need money to survive but money doesn’t make the whole world go around. It can be dirty. It can bring out a different person. It can be a drug.

What shocks me sometimes is that I was never upset about my college fund being depleted. In fact, I’m glad it was. By the time I hit adulthood, I learned so much about taking care my own money. I was also more concerned about what would happen to my family and how would we move forward. 

For me, money doesn’t a mean thing when it comes to my loved ones. If I could or when I get the chance to teach my future kids a lesson about life, I would tell them “don’t put money before your family.” Money can go away as fast you’d like to indulge in your wants but family doesn’t go away when you need them the most. 

I made a promise to myself after that whole fiasco, I’d never let money be the reason why I fight with my loved ones, whether it’s my dad, my significant other, my friends, etc. There’s no fulfillment in money other than that fact we need it to live. 

There have been plenty times I’ve seen myself go almost broke but I tried to survive the best way I knew how and I did it with my loved ones around me. As long as I had them, that’s all that mattered. 

What does money mean to you? Are you fulfilled by money? Have you had a loved one put money before you? Have you had ever a loved one make “money” an ultimatum? Like I said in my last post, talking about money is taboo. There’s a reason for that as you can see. 

I want to end on a more positive note but also a lesson. Remember that money doesn’t make the world go around. The people who impact your life in the best way do. I’m so grateful for my father. He’s been through a lot of turmoil and people don’t get hear his side of the story. I am my father’s daughter; I will always take care of my loved ones the best way I can. I hope you do the same.

Thank you for reading my blog today. This was one of the more hard blogs to write and share. It was hard time in my life. I was very sad and angry with the whole situation and the family members who were involved. I was old enough then to understand and it was painful. So thank you for baring with me.

Now go out! It’s fucking Friday! Go get turnt! … Or just order in Chinese food and watch Netflix! WHATEVER! Have fun this weekend and stay warm and dry from the rain!

Until the next post,

With love and support,

#beingjtran❤️🌻

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