Being Resentful

Happy Friday Everyone. TGIF! 🙂

I just wanted to take a moment to more or less write this blog for myself and of course share with all of you.

I wasn’t sure if I was having a bad day yesterday or if my headspace was somewhere else but I was thinking about my parents. And I suppose I should admit to myself I have been harboring some resentment towards my mother. 

I was faced with situation nor good or bad where I let money come in between myself and Tony. Not so much about the money but more-so the concept of it. It was just a little miscommunication. But if I’m being honest with myself, I think it took me back to how my parents fought over money all the time. 

You know that saying, “we’re a product of our parents?” I always thought I’d end up being a product of my father; money-wise. I have no problem helping anyone if I could. Money has destroyed my relationship with my family and I think sometimes it can really haunt me.

My father used to loan out money like it was nothing. I think his idea was “We’re family. I’ll always be there to help you.” He’s the most unselfish man and I couldn’t be any prouder to be his daughter. But if I could recall, money loaned out never really came back. Sometimes it did. Sometimes it didn’t. My father depleted his savings to save my mother from her financial problems. 

And maybe there is a part of me that still holds resentment over that. I was in wrong to revert my resentment over the miscommunication I had with Tony. It’s not him but the feelings of revisiting my past that crept up. In returning to a more calm state, I texted to my dad to see how he was doing.

Sometimes just talking to my dad puts me at peace with the fact that I know he did his best to do right even when we went through plenty of downhill spirals.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to hold onto these feelings. I have forgiven my mother but I have also moved on with my life. Sometimes we have those moments where something or someone triggers a memory and you’re sent back to a place you don’t want to be but in facing those demons, we learn to grow and let go. 

I owed Tony an apology but I also owe myself an apology. I could’ve been a little bit stronger. I know Tony and I have each other for richer or poorer. We may be poor but having each other makes us rich. 

I’m learning day by day, as I face my demons from the past that I will be able to let go of the resentment and carry on with a better life. 

And I hope that if you have any of these feelings as well, you are able to let go too.

Thank you for taking a moment to read my post today. I hope you have a great weekend. Happy Easter!

Until the next post,

With love and support,

#beingjtran❤️🌻

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